itz pms i know. but i've never felt this bad b4. abt myself. abt others. to the point i really feel like crying. i cant even pretend to smile. no matter how hard i try. i smile but i know ppl can tell i'm forcing it.
but stimes when i show what i feel, ppl wun know how i feel. itz like i dun normally say what i feel but u can easily tell..but ppl still don't know.why is that so ??
i have very different views abt work and stuff..sometimes i totally abhor how they do stuff but i jz have to follow thru and it makes me feel very suffocated..even as i stand by and watch. i do have principals.but i can only stand aside and look.
And i feel very wronged. VERY. many atimes. bcuz ppl don't know things.jz becuz i don't say it out..some ppl continue to do it..and others think itz me. i seriously need to be vindicated.but the only person who truly knows is me..and i cant bear to actually defend myself cuz if i do..i'd be making the other party look bad.
am i the only idiot who actually has a heart??
why do i always have to be the nice guy and suffer so much pain.
it actually kills sometimes to be nice. working sucks. i realise.
itz not the workload. itz not my fear of superiority. itz human nature that presses me down.
sometimes life isnt really fair.actually for me all the time. but i know many others are worse off than me.
itz a gd thing tmr's off day. i cant take my mind off work for a while. or shld i say PEOPLE at work. and when u help them do stuff they dont even say a fucking word of appreciation. it makes me think why i shld go thru all this shit for them. yep here it is. sadness turn anger turns sandra vulgar.
and really. ppl u think u'd feel most happy workin with let u down. it pains. it cuts like a knife.
and no. dont bother feeling bad ABT(not for) me for saying this cuz u know u deserve more shit than this.
and when u try to be nice to some assholes out there..no they dont treat u with more respect. they really do take a mile when u give them an inch.
dont think i'm jz complaining it cuz i'm such a bitch. u people out there know how u treat me.have a heart ok.
i really had enough.
breakin down.
and what happens when u fall for some shitheads, and they dun give a shit.
u're gone. Nobody helps u. they let u fall. and if u're bloody tall enough. good. u get to get trampled on. tada. cuz humans are selfish. they truly are. i've realised. they've got it. they want more. they dont give a shit abt u. always ME first dude.
i've seen the true side of humans.
i'll never be the same again. i swear.
