i dreamt of him last night. And the previous. Probably tonight. And the next. i couldnt stop crying in the elevator yesterday when i was clearing the cages from B2. i tried. they just kept flowing freely. Cuz it was just after collection of linen. Reminders of how there'll never be someone who keeps staring at me at 10 am. i'll never glance around to see that someone looking at me again. i'll never have that someone kneeling down beside me when i kneel just so that i could pass the towels to him much easily. i'll never have that someone who'll keep blocking my way when i pass him in the corridor. No one to call me Honey. No one who keeps trying to hold my hand. No one to get angry with just for the slightest things. No one who'll walk me home from theirs. No one who'll carry my bag when my heels get stuck in the grooves. How often do u get someone who'd take notice and find another pathway for you when u're wearing heels just because the one in front of u has lots of uneven grooves. Who'd rush over and bend down straight away when he sees ur heels getting stuck. Who'd keep teasing u because ur eyes are small yet look at you the same adorable way. Who'd treat u like a queen even though u're miles from perfection. Regrets. Too much time hesitating. Too much time spent on being angry. Too much time caring about my stupid effing pride. Wish we had more time. Whoever had the plans of sending him back straight away. You're much too cruel. i dont care what he did. 4 yrs he worked for you. you just send him back like that ? i dont know.. emotions are clouding up my mind. i cant see the real picture. i dont want to anyway. nobody's told me what he's done. i dont want to keep asking. if no one wants to tell me..all the better ?? i dont know.. i'll never see him.i know.i wanna give him a super big bear hug.and never let go. i wake up every morning or in the middle of the night with nostalgia. i dont know why but the same feeling is always there when i think of him. just like the feeling when Eugene asked me ' what happened to Derr ?' The seriousness in his eyes made my heart leap. i told him i dont know, and asked him why..he just said he couldnt find him. it gave me a sigh of relief cuz i thought something happened to him. i told Eugene Dont scare me like that. i thought he'd laugh but he didnt. he still had that straight face when he went away. i knew something was wrong..i knew it.. but i brushed the thought away..continued escorting the EcoLab person. And later on when i saw Sam, i was afraid he was gonna tell me something similar cuz i had this really bad feeling..and he did. he just blurted out ' Derr's leaving at 5 '. i didnt geddit. i said 'HuH going where ?' he changed his mind and said nothing nevermind and shook his head. i repeated my qtn twice. i said ' what did u say ????' he juz shook his head. my hands were trembling when he called. i didnt dare to pick it up. after he called twice, i returned the call. thank god i did. thats the only thing i dun regret doiing. we didnt talk for long. he said he was boarding already. thanx. last one to know. why didnt u call earlier u idiot..
Sam asked me yesterday if i'd miss him.
there really isnt a single moment of the day i dont think of him.
